WellbeingWith Simon Smith (yes we know he's a man, but that's OK!)

Making choices- setting yourself up for the future

Do you find making decisions difficult?

Do you feel that the options in your life are overwhelming?

You aren’t alone.

You are constantly being bombarded with choices. Everywhere you go you are offered lifestyle choices telling you how you should look and behave. You are informed how to be healthy, how to be successful, how to be beautiful…

Be clear on your future

With all the choices available, deciding what you want can be difficult- an understanding of where you want to be in the future can simplify it.

Before you get to the stage where you are being forced to make an important decision, take some time to write out your thoughts on how you want your life to look and be in the future. Write down all the elements you feel are important in your life such as where you would eventually like to live, whom you would like to be with and how this relationship will look, what will your career look like and how much would you see yourself earning.

By being clear about where and who you want to be you can instantly streamline the decision making process by holding this future end goal up against any choice you have to make. If it contradicts with it then drop it, if it matches take it.

Start small

If you find making decisions difficult, don’t start with a major one! Start by learning with smaller, less consequential decisions. With each successful decision, your skill at making the right choice will improve and this in turn will make taking the next decision easier still.

Paralysis by analysis

Choice can be overwhelming; choosing is difficult simply because we have too much choice! An either/or situation makes the process a lot easier. With any issue, limit yourself to your immediately practicable options. There are no rules that say you are only allowed one decision for any issue, filter your choices down to a maximum of 3. Make a decision based on those and then if necessary, go through it again with a different set of criteria, each time focussing on your end goal and make sure your choice is in step with that.

Overcoming resistance

There are occasions when we become aware of the “shoulds” in our life, we recognise that we “should” exercise more, we “should” eat more healthily, we “should” get more done etc. We avoid making a decision to change our life course towards these “shoulds” because sometimes we view these as “hard choices”. Sometimes we make a decision to make NO decision. This can be harmful; “I should give up smoking” and still we do nothing.

To overcome resistance, change your perceptions as to why you are doing what you are doing, reframe your choice in a positive light. Be honest with yourself as to why you are avoiding moving on from where you are.

Resistance may not always be internal; it may come from those people around us our friends and family. They might be afraid for us to make changes out of love for us. They won’t want to see you fail and may encourage you to make safe choices. They might fear for themselves if they see the choice you are about to make might move them out of their comfort zone, for example they might fear loss of your relationship, that it will change and that you might move on without them. They might fear that your positive change will hold their own perceived failings up to scrutiny.

Change is good

Accept that with any decision will come some form of change. We often fear change and this paralyses us from making any form of decision that takes us into unknown territory. Understand that by not making a choice- you are still choosing; you are choosing to do nothing. So isn’t it better to be proactive and in charge!

The answer is to tell yourself that life is full of change, and that it is a healthy and natural aspect of life and may be seen all around us, in the seasons and in your children as they grow. Change is desirable because with it comes renewal. Understanding this will bring peace and certainty.

Once you accept that, you need only be concerned with what form change will take… and that’s when it gets exciting!

Get out of your head and into your body

Instinct is our oldest decision making tool, it has kept us alive as a race for thousands of years. The difference between your thoughts and feelings might be summed up like this- your everyday conscious thoughts help us interact with the world, our feelings tell us whether the course we’ve set is right for us. When you get a situation where your head is telling you one thing and your gut is reacting strongly, then chances are it’s the wrong decision.

We can all think of those times when we have made a decision and known deep within us without really knowing why, that it was either the right or wrong choice. Trust your body. Trust your feelings.

So now you are in the position of having helped the process by knowing with more certainty a possible future for yourself and you have accepted that change is good and you are aware of the resistance within and around you to change, you are ready to…

Power up

Add power to your decision making. By realising that moving TOWARDS your new decision rather than dwelling on the past and your desire to move AWAY from that state, you give yourself an advantage. Treat the change your decision brings as an adventure! Rather than focussing on the fear of uncertainty or the comfort of the old, be certain in yourself that whatever the outcome, making the decision was a courageous thing to do and the outcome will reward you for your bravery. Relish the things you see happening around you as you move into this new life choice.

What if you get it wrong?

If the decision turns out to be a bad one, that’s ok. We are put on this planet to learn, and there is no better way of learning than by learning from your mistakes. Accept in advance that you will get things wrong. Write down a personal plan in advance of how you normally would respond to setbacks and how you WILL respond when they happen. Keep it in your consciousness and refer to it when needed. Look at what factors were not right this time and reassess what is needed to get on track to where you want to be. Then choose again!

It is the attitude with which you approach failure, not the failure itself that is important.

So...

Start small

Identify your future end goal

Don’t overanalyse the situation

Recognise and overcome resistance

See change as good

Get out of your head and into your feelings

Have an adventure!

Plan for things going wrong

Simon Smith

Tel: +44 (0) 7834 773398

Email: info@practisinghappiness.com

http://www.practisinghappiness.com

Happiness Tip of the Day: Finding happiness in the simple things can be really rewarding- a simple reward of a cup of coffee from a good coffee shop can bring more happiness than an expensive shopping trip.

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